Why is it so difficult to change? Seemingly, a fair number of people prefer a certain degree of consistency in their lives. Surely, the attraction we have to our comfort zones is stronger than we even believe ourselves. Might this explain why victims of varying kinds of abuse stay with their abusers? Maybe it is because it is too much effort to get outside our comfort zone. Could it be because we are taking the situation at face value? Interestingly, if we take a look at our perceptions, we may discover a key to all of these areas.

Consider the following situation. You are out camping, and it is night. You are nestled into a sleeping bag. Unfortunately, is very cold outside. The sleeping bag by itself isn’t quite enough to keep you warm. You know that in your vehicle, you have some warmer clothes. The catch is that you have to get out of the sleeping bag, put your coat and shoes back on, and go back out into the cold. At first, you may be resistant to do get out of the mostly-warm situation, especially in anticipation of the cold.

Let’s consider another situation. You are driving on a narrow road. A car races up behind you at a high rate of speed. Just when you think the car might hit yours, the car slows and the driver begins flashing the headlights of the car. The intention is obviously for you to get out of the way.

In these two situations, it may seem that you have enough information to make an educated evalutation of what is going on. But what additional information may be of use in either case? In the first, it would be helpful to know what the expected temperature changes might be. Is it going to get colder? Will it be getting warmer? If colder, it may be wise to retrieve the additional clothing. In the second situation, a common reaction may be to offend the other driver in some way. Perhaps to get back at them or to let them know that what they’re doing is not appreciated. But the question to which you cannot know the answer is, “Why is this person driving like this?” What if you knew that they had a child in the car that was experiencing a life-threatening seizure, and they were racing to the hospital to save the child’s life? Your perspective would change quite a bit.

Perceptions Affect Actions

In a large number of cases, if not all, it is our perception which affects how we react to things. And the manner in which we react to things is what builds our character and self-image. If we are to change for the better, we need to adjust our reactions to situations. If we are to accomplish this daunting task, it will be essential to change our perceptions of the situations around us.

Forgive me for sharing a personal example. In the past, I had been known for being an aggressive driver. When anyone did anything in the slightest that I perceived as being offensive or threatening, I would fly off the handle. I might use my car as a barrier, or drive slowly in front of them, or other such inappropriate and offensive things. Arriving late at a destination was very upsetting, so if people drove slowly in front of me, I would get more than slightly aggravated. I might drive closely to their bumper, hanging out the left side a bit so as to ensure they could see me in their driver’s side mirror.

What helped me overcome this? I realized that most people on the road are average drivers. They are just trying to get from point A to point B. They really don’t personally care about me, and I don’t really care about them. In all truth, almost no one is there to offend. Considering the concept of a bell curve, there will luckily be a very small amount of drivers that are on the road with almost no regard for others. On the opposite extreme, there are even a few who are wonderful drivers, yielding the right-of-way quite readily. That said, most people are mediocre drivers. This means that they accidentally cut off other drivers. This all really started sinking in when I inadvertently pulled in front of another driver.

Take a moment and think about the potential of changing our perceptions. Seriously, consider how much of your life right now would be changed for the better if you were to modify your perceptions. If we want to begin changing our lives, one of the first things we can adjust is how we look at things. Try this: start paying attention to how your perceptions affect the way you respond to situations.

Be forewarned, however. There are two things present in human nature that act very effectively as blinders. For the first several times you do this, pay close attention. You will recognize the following factors.

You Are Not A Victim

Firstly, the vast majority of us feel that things happen to us, or that we have no power over a situation. “He cut me off.” “She disrespected me in front of my boss.” “My dad called me a baby in front of my friends.” “I looked like a total idiot when I dropped all my books.” “Why can’t I have a car like that?” “This is just the way that I am. I will always be this way.” “If that idiot would hurry, I could get to work on time.” Most of us are absolutely willing and ready to hand off control of our lives to complete strangers with comments like these. In other words, our society is teaching us to be victims. The first way to adjust your perception is to realize that you can either react with a knee-jerk type of reflex, or you can think about a way that you can proactively respond to the situation. This is very enabling and empowering. You are not a victim. Things don’t happen to you. Your character is built from what choices you make in response to negative situations.

Expand Your View

Second, a large part of the time, we are content to know the facts that we have at hand. We want to justify our feelings of being offended, hurt, jealous, or embarassed. We want to justify feeling injured, and thus justify the reflexive reaction that ensues. What if we were to say, “I wonder what else there is to know about this situation so that I may make an informed decision?” rather than making a fool of ourselves by reacting. Truly, when we are trying to regain control by reacting, this is precisely when we are most out of control. Widen your perspective. Do whatever it takes to get a larger vision of the situation. Many times, we are offended because we don’t fully understand what is happening. Do your due diligence and find out as much as you can so that you can proactively respond to the situation.

Conclusion

Throughout the test that is life, there are many uncomfortable situations that present themselves to us. Our self-image and character can be shaped, in part, by how we proactively assess and respond to these experiences. The more we adjust our perceptions, the better we can respond. The better we get at doing this, the more self-respect we will have, and the more others around us will respect us.

Now, how can you apply this concept in your own life?