For quite some time, questions like these had the potential to ruin my day. There must be an acceptable, healthy answer. Clearly, we need to perform the best way possible to us. However, undue amounts of stress and anxiety can cause all sorts of psychological, emotional, and health problems. How do we reconcile these needs?

Drawing purely on reason and experience, it is my intent to offer an overview of things that have worked for me. Growing up, perfectionism was a frequent part of my life, imposed by someone other than myself. The insatiable compulsion to perform at any level short of perfect still haunts me. This time, it is self-inflicted.

To get past this problem, there is one fact of reality which we must absolutely, unconditionally accept. Perfectionism is truly a self-fulfilling prophecy. Ironically, it is practically an oxymoron. Perfectionism virtually guarantees failure. Over time, we become conditioned to expect failure. This may be part of the anticipatory anxiety we feel when under heavy pressure to execute something with uncompromising perfection. If you take nothing else away from this article, take this: Perfectionism virtually guarantees failure, or at very least, disappointment.

Once that truly sinks into our perception of how the Universe works, it is possible to graduate to the next concept: Not everything we do will turn out exactly as we want or as someone else wants. In reality, most things will not turn out exactly as we would want them to. The hard part is that this must be ok with us. Do not misunderstand. Setting a high bar pushes us to excel. Setting it at the highest possible mark from the outset will virtually always end badly. It may not turn out perfectly, and that’s ok.

When those two concepts become part of the way we think, we can readjust our expectations. How do we know how high to aim?

Again, drawing on intuition and experience, a healthy approach is to start with an inventory. Ask yourself, “What resources do I have at my disposal to perform this task?” Obvious answers might include one or more or the following:

• My computer
• Google (for research, etc.)
• Paper and pen for taking notes
• The proper tools to get the job done
• The knowledge of how to do the project

Yes, those are fine answers. But we want to do our best, right? Let’s think outside the box a little. What about resources like these?

• The closest library
• Someone who has successfully done what you are trying to do
• Your own intuition and reasoning mind
• Taking personal ownership and responsibility for the project
• Anything you have ever done successfully that resembles any step of the project

You see that I mention your own intuition and reasoning mind. Use your head to come up with inventive, creative, and out-of-the-box solutions. Brainstorm solutions, and go crazy with it. Don’t discount any idea. When you’re done, make sure that a possibility will absolutely in no way work before you discard it.

Another enabling force is to take personal interest in the completion of the project. If you don’t know something about part of it, ask whoever does. If you don’t have a needed tool or needed materials, find someone who does. Step up, make it yours, and if appropriate, emotionally invest yourself to a degree in doing your best.

Other people often become a valuable resource for gaining knowledge quickly. Just don’t abuse that resource.

Do detailed research on the parts of the project that you do not fully grasp. Google and the library come into play here. Own the knowledge and understanding of your project.

Take things that you have done that are similar to parts of this project. Evaluate whether they can be adapted to become part of the solution.

The journey of a thousand miles begins with the first step. Having sunscreen, nice cross-training shoes, some sunglasses, and a pair of shorts will make it much more enjoyable. But in the absence of any of those things, it is still possible. In the end, it comes down to this: Do the best you can now with what you have now.

Why is it so difficult to change? Seemingly, a fair number of people prefer a certain degree of consistency in their lives. Surely, the attraction we have to our comfort zones is stronger than we even believe ourselves. Might this explain why victims of varying kinds of abuse stay with their abusers? Maybe it is because it is too much effort to get outside our comfort zone. Could it be because we are taking the situation at face value? Interestingly, if we take a look at our perceptions, we may discover a key to all of these areas.

Consider the following situation. You are out camping, and it is night. You are nestled into a sleeping bag. Unfortunately, is very cold outside. The sleeping bag by itself isn’t quite enough to keep you warm. You know that in your vehicle, you have some warmer clothes. The catch is that you have to get out of the sleeping bag, put your coat and shoes back on, and go back out into the cold. At first, you may be resistant to do get out of the mostly-warm situation, especially in anticipation of the cold.

Let’s consider another situation. You are driving on a narrow road. A car races up behind you at a high rate of speed. Just when you think the car might hit yours, the car slows and the driver begins flashing the headlights of the car. The intention is obviously for you to get out of the way.

In these two situations, it may seem that you have enough information to make an educated evalutation of what is going on. But what additional information may be of use in either case? In the first, it would be helpful to know what the expected temperature changes might be. Is it going to get colder? Will it be getting warmer? If colder, it may be wise to retrieve the additional clothing. In the second situation, a common reaction may be to offend the other driver in some way. Perhaps to get back at them or to let them know that what they’re doing is not appreciated. But the question to which you cannot know the answer is, “Why is this person driving like this?” What if you knew that they had a child in the car that was experiencing a life-threatening seizure, and they were racing to the hospital to save the child’s life? Your perspective would change quite a bit.

Perceptions Affect Actions

In a large number of cases, if not all, it is our perception which affects how we react to things. And the manner in which we react to things is what builds our character and self-image. If we are to change for the better, we need to adjust our reactions to situations. If we are to accomplish this daunting task, it will be essential to change our perceptions of the situations around us.

Forgive me for sharing a personal example. In the past, I had been known for being an aggressive driver. When anyone did anything in the slightest that I perceived as being offensive or threatening, I would fly off the handle. I might use my car as a barrier, or drive slowly in front of them, or other such inappropriate and offensive things. Arriving late at a destination was very upsetting, so if people drove slowly in front of me, I would get more than slightly aggravated. I might drive closely to their bumper, hanging out the left side a bit so as to ensure they could see me in their driver’s side mirror.

What helped me overcome this? I realized that most people on the road are average drivers. They are just trying to get from point A to point B. They really don’t personally care about me, and I don’t really care about them. In all truth, almost no one is there to offend. Considering the concept of a bell curve, there will luckily be a very small amount of drivers that are on the road with almost no regard for others. On the opposite extreme, there are even a few who are wonderful drivers, yielding the right-of-way quite readily. That said, most people are mediocre drivers. This means that they accidentally cut off other drivers. This all really started sinking in when I inadvertently pulled in front of another driver.

Take a moment and think about the potential of changing our perceptions. Seriously, consider how much of your life right now would be changed for the better if you were to modify your perceptions. If we want to begin changing our lives, one of the first things we can adjust is how we look at things. Try this: start paying attention to how your perceptions affect the way you respond to situations.

Be forewarned, however. There are two things present in human nature that act very effectively as blinders. For the first several times you do this, pay close attention. You will recognize the following factors.

You Are Not A Victim

Firstly, the vast majority of us feel that things happen to us, or that we have no power over a situation. “He cut me off.” “She disrespected me in front of my boss.” “My dad called me a baby in front of my friends.” “I looked like a total idiot when I dropped all my books.” “Why can’t I have a car like that?” “This is just the way that I am. I will always be this way.” “If that idiot would hurry, I could get to work on time.” Most of us are absolutely willing and ready to hand off control of our lives to complete strangers with comments like these. In other words, our society is teaching us to be victims. The first way to adjust your perception is to realize that you can either react with a knee-jerk type of reflex, or you can think about a way that you can proactively respond to the situation. This is very enabling and empowering. You are not a victim. Things don’t happen to you. Your character is built from what choices you make in response to negative situations.

Expand Your View

Second, a large part of the time, we are content to know the facts that we have at hand. We want to justify our feelings of being offended, hurt, jealous, or embarassed. We want to justify feeling injured, and thus justify the reflexive reaction that ensues. What if we were to say, “I wonder what else there is to know about this situation so that I may make an informed decision?” rather than making a fool of ourselves by reacting. Truly, when we are trying to regain control by reacting, this is precisely when we are most out of control. Widen your perspective. Do whatever it takes to get a larger vision of the situation. Many times, we are offended because we don’t fully understand what is happening. Do your due diligence and find out as much as you can so that you can proactively respond to the situation.

Conclusion

Throughout the test that is life, there are many uncomfortable situations that present themselves to us. Our self-image and character can be shaped, in part, by how we proactively assess and respond to these experiences. The more we adjust our perceptions, the better we can respond. The better we get at doing this, the more self-respect we will have, and the more others around us will respect us.

Now, how can you apply this concept in your own life?

You know, it sure would be nice if life had a magic answer. How can I be more successful? How can I have more, stronger relationships? How can I have a better life? The fundamental question here is, “How do I get what I want?” Would you be interested in a solution to these questions?

Ponder on some questions with me, a sort of riddle if you will.

• What gives us so much power that with the right one, there is nothing we cannot do, and with the wrong one, there is nothing that can help us?
• It is contagious, much like a smile or a yawn.
• It is also magnetic, attracting things of similar nature. If it is the right one, it attracts good situations, influences, and opportunities. If it is bad, it attracts bad ones.
• This one thing can affect the outcome of almost anything we do.
• It can give us whatever quality of life we want.
• We have full control over it.

How many of us stop to think about this principle? Thomas Jefferson penned these words: “Nothing can stop the man with the right mental attitude from achieving his goal; nothing on earth can help the man with the wrong mental attitude.” Do you believe what he says here? From a lifetime of experience, it has been made clear to me that this is one of those Universal objective truths. Our disposition about our surroundings and situations have a more profound affect upon them than almost anything else. Our attitudes give direction to the outcome of our efforts before we have done anything else to accomplish our objectives. Ponder the far-reaching meaning of this principle. You can defeat your own self before you even start. You can mentally vow that the only acceptable way out of any situation is after success. You can do either one with a simple attitude.

Do you honestly believe this true principle?

The Power of Attitudes

Funny things, attitudes. They are easy to spread. Project or act out your attitude to anyone you come in contact with. People around you will respond to it and many of them will adopt it. You can impact the lives of those around you by adopting and radiating your attitude. Now, you have a room, house, or company full of people who are empowered and enabled. Where one person with a positive mindset can accomplish a lot, a group with the right attitude can put a man on the moon, or make a map of human DNA, or lay the foundations of government for a new nation.

The disposition or mindset that we adopt has more than just an enabling power. Our attitude will also attract similar situations, influences, and opportunities. Let’s suppose that we have an enabling attitude. When an opportunity to improve presents itself to us, we are more likely to notice and take action than if we had a bad attitude. When we seize these opportunities and act on them, we have made progress in the right direction. We attract empowering people, as well.

Our attitude can give us whatever quality of life we want.

We can also change our attitude because we have full control over it.

Consider this thought from Charles Swindoll:

“Attitude, to me, is more important than facts. It is more important than the past, than education, than money, than circumstances, than failures, than successes, than what other people think or say or do. It is more important than appearance, giftedness or skill. It will make or break a company… a church… a home.

The remarkable thing is we have a choice every day regarding the attitude we will embrace for that day. We cannot change our past… we cannot change the fact that people will act in a certain way. We cannot change the inevitable. The only thing we can do is play on the one string we have, and that is our attitude… I am convinced that life is 10% what happens to me and 90% how I react to it.

And so it is with you… we are in charge of our attitudes.”

Call to Action

Do you want to change your attitude? Brainstorm ways! Here are some suggestions:

What if you were to come up with a Mission Statement for your life? State in present terms the attitudes and person you want to become. Read it daily. Confirm in your mind that you are, in fact, such a person. You can even enjoy and be thankful that you are such a person. This will change your attitude very effectively. I will talk in more detail about a Life Mission Statement in a future article.

Adapt a habit of noticing things for which you are thankful. Keep a list of them. When you start to feel like complaining or feeling down, pull out your list. Go through each thing and explain to yourself why you are thankful for it. Poor attitudes cannot stay long when you adopt this habit.

Having trouble getting along with someone? Get into the habit of noticing things you like about them. Each time you think of something, write it down in a list. Seek out ways to serve them. Again, keep a list of these service opportunities. Look for things that you can joke with them about. This creates a fun thread in the fabric of your relationship with them. Look for common interests that you have with that person. It is easier to terminate a relationship than it is to forge one. Having an attitude of “success is the only option” will help you fortify and strengthen important relationships, such as a spouse. If you need to do this exercise with a close friend or family member, those are relationships worth the trouble.

How else can you adopt a positive attitude?