For quite some time, questions like these had the potential to ruin my day. There must be an acceptable, healthy answer. Clearly, we need to perform the best way possible to us. However, undue amounts of stress and anxiety can cause all sorts of psychological, emotional, and health problems. How do we reconcile these needs?

Drawing purely on reason and experience, it is my intent to offer an overview of things that have worked for me. Growing up, perfectionism was a frequent part of my life, imposed by someone other than myself. The insatiable compulsion to perform at any level short of perfect still haunts me. This time, it is self-inflicted.

To get past this problem, there is one fact of reality which we must absolutely, unconditionally accept. Perfectionism is truly a self-fulfilling prophecy. Ironically, it is practically an oxymoron. Perfectionism virtually guarantees failure. Over time, we become conditioned to expect failure. This may be part of the anticipatory anxiety we feel when under heavy pressure to execute something with uncompromising perfection. If you take nothing else away from this article, take this: Perfectionism virtually guarantees failure, or at very least, disappointment.

Once that truly sinks into our perception of how the Universe works, it is possible to graduate to the next concept: Not everything we do will turn out exactly as we want or as someone else wants. In reality, most things will not turn out exactly as we would want them to. The hard part is that this must be ok with us. Do not misunderstand. Setting a high bar pushes us to excel. Setting it at the highest possible mark from the outset will virtually always end badly. It may not turn out perfectly, and that’s ok.

When those two concepts become part of the way we think, we can readjust our expectations. How do we know how high to aim?

Again, drawing on intuition and experience, a healthy approach is to start with an inventory. Ask yourself, “What resources do I have at my disposal to perform this task?” Obvious answers might include one or more or the following:

• My computer
• Google (for research, etc.)
• Paper and pen for taking notes
• The proper tools to get the job done
• The knowledge of how to do the project

Yes, those are fine answers. But we want to do our best, right? Let’s think outside the box a little. What about resources like these?

• The closest library
• Someone who has successfully done what you are trying to do
• Your own intuition and reasoning mind
• Taking personal ownership and responsibility for the project
• Anything you have ever done successfully that resembles any step of the project

You see that I mention your own intuition and reasoning mind. Use your head to come up with inventive, creative, and out-of-the-box solutions. Brainstorm solutions, and go crazy with it. Don’t discount any idea. When you’re done, make sure that a possibility will absolutely in no way work before you discard it.

Another enabling force is to take personal interest in the completion of the project. If you don’t know something about part of it, ask whoever does. If you don’t have a needed tool or needed materials, find someone who does. Step up, make it yours, and if appropriate, emotionally invest yourself to a degree in doing your best.

Other people often become a valuable resource for gaining knowledge quickly. Just don’t abuse that resource.

Do detailed research on the parts of the project that you do not fully grasp. Google and the library come into play here. Own the knowledge and understanding of your project.

Take things that you have done that are similar to parts of this project. Evaluate whether they can be adapted to become part of the solution.

The journey of a thousand miles begins with the first step. Having sunscreen, nice cross-training shoes, some sunglasses, and a pair of shorts will make it much more enjoyable. But in the absence of any of those things, it is still possible. In the end, it comes down to this: Do the best you can now with what you have now.

You know, it sure would be nice if life had a magic answer. How can I be more successful? How can I have more, stronger relationships? How can I have a better life? The fundamental question here is, “How do I get what I want?” Would you be interested in a solution to these questions?

Ponder on some questions with me, a sort of riddle if you will.

• What gives us so much power that with the right one, there is nothing we cannot do, and with the wrong one, there is nothing that can help us?
• It is contagious, much like a smile or a yawn.
• It is also magnetic, attracting things of similar nature. If it is the right one, it attracts good situations, influences, and opportunities. If it is bad, it attracts bad ones.
• This one thing can affect the outcome of almost anything we do.
• It can give us whatever quality of life we want.
• We have full control over it.

How many of us stop to think about this principle? Thomas Jefferson penned these words: “Nothing can stop the man with the right mental attitude from achieving his goal; nothing on earth can help the man with the wrong mental attitude.” Do you believe what he says here? From a lifetime of experience, it has been made clear to me that this is one of those Universal objective truths. Our disposition about our surroundings and situations have a more profound affect upon them than almost anything else. Our attitudes give direction to the outcome of our efforts before we have done anything else to accomplish our objectives. Ponder the far-reaching meaning of this principle. You can defeat your own self before you even start. You can mentally vow that the only acceptable way out of any situation is after success. You can do either one with a simple attitude.

Do you honestly believe this true principle?

The Power of Attitudes

Funny things, attitudes. They are easy to spread. Project or act out your attitude to anyone you come in contact with. People around you will respond to it and many of them will adopt it. You can impact the lives of those around you by adopting and radiating your attitude. Now, you have a room, house, or company full of people who are empowered and enabled. Where one person with a positive mindset can accomplish a lot, a group with the right attitude can put a man on the moon, or make a map of human DNA, or lay the foundations of government for a new nation.

The disposition or mindset that we adopt has more than just an enabling power. Our attitude will also attract similar situations, influences, and opportunities. Let’s suppose that we have an enabling attitude. When an opportunity to improve presents itself to us, we are more likely to notice and take action than if we had a bad attitude. When we seize these opportunities and act on them, we have made progress in the right direction. We attract empowering people, as well.

Our attitude can give us whatever quality of life we want.

We can also change our attitude because we have full control over it.

Consider this thought from Charles Swindoll:

“Attitude, to me, is more important than facts. It is more important than the past, than education, than money, than circumstances, than failures, than successes, than what other people think or say or do. It is more important than appearance, giftedness or skill. It will make or break a company… a church… a home.

The remarkable thing is we have a choice every day regarding the attitude we will embrace for that day. We cannot change our past… we cannot change the fact that people will act in a certain way. We cannot change the inevitable. The only thing we can do is play on the one string we have, and that is our attitude… I am convinced that life is 10% what happens to me and 90% how I react to it.

And so it is with you… we are in charge of our attitudes.”

Call to Action

Do you want to change your attitude? Brainstorm ways! Here are some suggestions:

What if you were to come up with a Mission Statement for your life? State in present terms the attitudes and person you want to become. Read it daily. Confirm in your mind that you are, in fact, such a person. You can even enjoy and be thankful that you are such a person. This will change your attitude very effectively. I will talk in more detail about a Life Mission Statement in a future article.

Adapt a habit of noticing things for which you are thankful. Keep a list of them. When you start to feel like complaining or feeling down, pull out your list. Go through each thing and explain to yourself why you are thankful for it. Poor attitudes cannot stay long when you adopt this habit.

Having trouble getting along with someone? Get into the habit of noticing things you like about them. Each time you think of something, write it down in a list. Seek out ways to serve them. Again, keep a list of these service opportunities. Look for things that you can joke with them about. This creates a fun thread in the fabric of your relationship with them. Look for common interests that you have with that person. It is easier to terminate a relationship than it is to forge one. Having an attitude of “success is the only option” will help you fortify and strengthen important relationships, such as a spouse. If you need to do this exercise with a close friend or family member, those are relationships worth the trouble.

How else can you adopt a positive attitude?